Betty Moses

I listen to a local radio talk show every morning on the way to work. The conversation is lively and timely, and it makes the 16-mile drive on a very busy highway more enjoyable than it should be.

On certain days, the hosts have different topics that are discussed on a recurring basis. These hosts delve deeply into newsfeeds to bring us listeners the latest information on “Naked News” day, “The World is Coming to an End” day, “Food Fight” day, “Dumb Crooks” day and now the latest subject is the “List of Shortages” day.

By the way, more Naked News comes from Florida than any other state. Go figure.

As to the shortages, I figure a lot of it springs from the fact that there are so many people reluctant to return to work which means that production is slowed down across the board.

Regardless of the reason, there are certain things I don’t understand, like where have the chickens gone?

I stopped by my local Hardee’s last week to pick up some chicken strips. Much to my surprise, the nice lady apologetically told me that they were out of all chicken products.

This concerned me because Chick-fil-A is my favorite breakfast stop, and although I always get sausage in the mornings, if they run out of chicken, they are not going to open their restaurants to sell only sausage.

Another shortage looming in the future is coffee, but that’s due to weather in Brazil. Doesn’t coffee grow anywhere else?

Then I read there’s a shortage of stationery.  Stationery? Who writes letters anymore? I couldn’t begin to put a pen to paper and come out with anything legible. My mind doesn’t work until my fingers are touching a keyboard. 

At one time, I always had a box of stationery and I usually bought Hallmark. I wrote letters to a special person and kept the letters I received back in a little cedar chest, which had originally held stationery and had been given to me by another boyfriend. I had that little chest for years.

But I digress. We are talking about shortages.

I had this brought home to me today in a very shocking way. I even hate to talk about it.

My son Jeff came home from the grocery store with a can of Duke’s Light mayonnaise. I don’t even like to think about it. The shelves were empty of regular Duke’s mayonnaise. Who would have thought that day would ever come to that?

And before you try to tell me light mayonnaise tastes the same, any mayonnaise connoisseur can assure you it does not.

I am deeply worried. No more Duke’s on my bacon and homegrown tomato sandwich and no Duke’s in my deviled eggs that are the best I have ever tasted, and we all know potato salad must have Duke’s and dill pickle juice to bring it to perfection. And for Facebook friends who are always asking, I do put a little mustard in my potato salad.

I panicked a bit when the big toilet paper shortage was underway, but Jeff shopped diligently, and although we didn’t hoard, we never ran out.

But this is different. Tomorrow is Jeff’s day off and I will send him out the door at dawn to round up enough Duke’s mayonnaise to soothe my worried mind.

Anyone want a jar of Dukes Light mayonnaise? No charge. You can have it for free.


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