“Introvert” — a shy, reticent person.
In psychology, its defined as “a person predominately concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.”
I know for sure I have never been an extrovert, but never have I considered myself as an introvert — that is until the last few months.
In trying to analyze myself, I realize that quarantining for a pandemic has certainly changed how I feel about life. That, plus realizing that when my birthday arrives in November I will be halfway through my 80s, has caused me to spend a lot of time thinking about myself.
First there is the threat that because of my age a bout with COVID-19 could do me in.
This makes my thoughts tend to turn inward, rehashing choices I have made in the past and things I regret that I can’t undo.
I do a lot of “beating a dead horse,” which is a total waste of time, but long hours spent alone will usually bring back memories better left unrecalled.
Also, the knowledge that I am restricted from being with all my children because of the virus causes me to feel inadequate as a mother, especially since my daughter is recovering from back surgery. Due to old age and the aches and pains that go with it, I wouldn’t be able to help her much if I was with her.
I can easily do a lot of beating up on myself.
To fill the hours when I’m home alone and to shut off the negative thoughts, I’ve been unsuccessfully seeking new hobbies and projects to make me feel like a productive member of society.
I have yet to complete one.
Then a friend posted the following on Facebook:
Let yourself rest
“If you’re exhausted, rest.
If you don’t feel like starting a new project, don’t.
If you don’t feel the urge to make something new, just rest in the beauty of the old, the familiar, the known.
If you don’t feel like talking, stay silent.
If you’re fed up with the news, turn it off.
If you want to postpone something until tomorrow, do it.
If you want to do nothing, let yourself do nothing today.
Feel the fullness of the emptiness, the vastness of the silence, the sheer life in your unproductive moments.
Time does not need to be filled.
You are enough, simply in your being.”
— Jeff Foster
Enough said. Thank you, Jeff Foster.