Ettie Newlands

An online article doesn’t tell where most of these signs are displayed. But, it does show pictures of the signs.

So, as hard as it might be to believe, signs and labels that say these things do exist:

A label telling how to put a transfer on a shirt says: “Caution: This activity involves using a hot iron. Only an adult should do this activity. Be careful. Cardboard transfer will still be hot. Do not iron while wearing shirt.”

Another sign says, “Touching wires causes instant death and $200 fine.” That one’s identified as being at the Newcastle Tramway Authority.

A sign with Oriental letters below the English says, “No swimming if you cannot swim.”

Another pool sign says, “Zero feet. No diving.”

A sign I really saw says, “Caution. This sign has sharp edges. Do not touch edges of sign.”

Surely it means a statue, but one sign says, “For your own safety, do not climb on the lion.”

Another creature-oriented sign warns, “Feed a pigeon, lose a finger.”

A sign at a sidewalk says, “Violators will be towed and find $50.” Finding the $50 would probably pay the towing charge.

And there’s one in a church that reads, “Articles of value should not be left on seats whilst receiving Holy Communion.” Kind of sad, that one.

You’d have to pull over to read the one that says, “No person shall on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, the day preceding a public holiday, or on a public holiday, drive or cause to be driven between the hours of 6 p.m. and midnight a motor vehicle which exceeds 10.5 M in length in all main roads.”

One sign says, “Stabbing Prohibited.” As in, I was going to stab someone but the sign says it’s not allowed, so I won’t.

My personal favorite is a Danger sign that says, “Do not touch. Not only will this kill you, it will hurt the whole time you are dying.”

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