Ettie Newlands

Some of these questions sound familiar to me, and there are others I’ve never thought about.

I thank Mary Lou, my favorite email provider, for them, and hope they give you something to chuckle at too.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you believe them but, if they tell you there is wet paint, you have to touch it to check?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the first end you try?

How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends.

And one Mary Lou didn’t send but that I think about regularly:

Why do sales clerks ask if you want to keep your new blouse on the hanger, and when you say you do, squinch it to the size of a postage stamp and shove it – still on the hanger - in a bag?

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