Ettie Newlands

These phrases little kids wrote in papers that nuns graded may have made the rounds already. But,

they’re actually funny enough for a second go-round.

They are answers given on a test taken by elementary school kids.

Please don’t be offended, please just smile.

• In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, God got tired of creating the world so He took the Sabbath off.

• Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree and Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark.

• The Jews were a proud people and throughout history, they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

• Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread with no ingredients.

• The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

• The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert. Then Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

• The seventh commandment is thou shall not admit adultery.

• Moses died before he ever reached Canada, and then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

• The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

• Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

• One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

• Christians have only one spouse which is called monotony.

• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

• Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

• Jesus enunciated the golden rule which says to do unto others before they do one to you.

• David was a Hebrew king who played the liar. He fought the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Anyone old enough to remember Art Linkletter knows he got it right back in the

day – kids say the darndest things.


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