Ettie Newlands

I thank Rose Marie for what she calls A Few Musings that she received from her cousin and passed along to us:

If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

My wife and I were happy for 25 years. Then we met.

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

If you keep both feet firmly planted on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

My wife got eight out of 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll always be stationery.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, does that make ketchup a smoothie?

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.

Some brought smiles, some brought groans, and I thank Rose Marie – and her cousin - for forwarding these musings to us.

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