Ettie Newlands

It’s possible my friend Rick is trying to compete with my friend Sara of ‘Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh’ fame for the corny award.

She said things including Van Gogh’s dancing aunt’s name is Tang Gogh, and his sister who loves disco is Go Gogh.

And even though his email titled ‘Lexophelia’ sounds like it’s about a sin involving a hitherto unknown body part, it’s actually about words and the love thereof.

Here are some very groan-worthy thoughts in the lexophile category:

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

I thought I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

A girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity, and I can’t put it down.

I saw a theatrical performance about puns which was a play on words.

I didn’t like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

All the toilets at the police department were stolen, and the officers have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro is a rip off.

Don’t worry about old age, it doesn’t last.

And while these thoughts are right up there with Van Gogh’s family tree in the corny category, I cannot help sharing them.

After all, sin or no sin, I am an admitted lexophile.

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