Ettie Newlands

If you have little people sitting at the grown-up table this Thanksgiving, you can keep them entertained, thanks to LaffGaff, with these groan-worthy jokes and puns:

What does a pilgrim call his friends? Pal-grims.

What’s the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving Day? On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for a day. On Election day, you get one for four years.

The boy wasn’t happy about skinning potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner, so he was “peel grim.”

What’s the key to a fantastic Thanksgiving dinner? The tur-key.

What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky.

Did you know the pilgrims came over on smoke-colored ships designed by a guy named Valentine? Yes, they were gray-V boats.

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for everyone.

What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.

What can you never eat for Thanksgiving dinner? Breakfast or lunch.

It seems like every year, I end up eating Thanksgiving leftovers for weeks afterwards. Not this year, though. I’m quitting cold turkey.

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? Only one, but you have to squeeze her in.

Why did the pilgrims’ pants keep falling down? Because their belt buckles were on their hats.

If the pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their ages.

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner? She lost track of thyme.

What do turkeys eat on Thanksgiving? Nothing, they’re already stuffed.

What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? The letter G.

Why did the turkey sit on a tomahawk? To hatchet.

Where do turkeys go to dance? The Butterball.

What kind of music did the pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock music.

Why did the pilgrim kill the turkey? Because he was in a foul mood.

Why didn’t pilgrims tell secrets in the corn field? Because the corn had ears.

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.

Wait…did I say the little people would enjoy those corny puns? So will their dads, and uncles, and grampas.

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